MONTREAL, QC. — Welcome to Two Minutes For Asking, the All Habs Network’s new advice column for hockey fans. Please be warned that it might not always be good advice, and it might not be what you want to hear, because hockey fans already know what they want, so why did you even ask in the first place?
Dear Rookie: The Canadiens hired Michel Therrien and I don’t like him. What should I do?
Well, first of all, you should give yourself a nice, big pat on the back for being the first sports fan to ever disagree with a decision his/her team has made. Congratulations!
Second, please remember that Geoff Molson hired Marc Bergevin who, in turn, hired Michel Therrien for a reason. I’m not entirely sure what that reason is, but I’m willing to take a guess. The team is rebuilding, and maybe an experienced coach will help to move things in the right direction. Let’s be honest: coaches with NHL experience who also please the finicky Montreal media are pretty hard to come by. Plus, Marc Bergevin never called me to ask me about my plan to lure Mike Babcock away from Detroit by offering him all of the money in the world. (It was simple! All we had to do was find all of the money in the world, and then find Mike Babcock, and offer to bring them together in Montreal. But I waited and waited and Bergevin never returned my Facebook message.)
Therrien already knows just how crazy things can get in Montreal, and the team he’ll be coaching next season is quite different from the team he already coached. It would be impossible to predict exactly what’s going to happen come September. Don’t waste your summer criticizing him now – he hasn’t done anything yet, and summer is a time for sangria and grilled meats. Every minute you spend thinking about how much you hate his attitude, his record, or his comb-over is a minute that you could spend soaking fruit in wine.
Finally, we all know that a coach’s tenure with the Habs lasts between two and three years. Therrien lasted just a little bit longer than that in Pittsburgh, until he was fired in 2009. And we all know what happened to the Penguins in 2009.
As such, I would like to pre-emptively congratulate the Canadiens for being Stanley Cup Champions in 2015.
Dear Rookie: I’m going to the All Habs Awards Party at McLean’s Pub on June 20th. The dress code is ‘hockey formal.’ What do I wear?
I’m so glad you’re coming to this party, anonymous letter-writer! Trust me, there’s nothing more fun than the NHL Awards. (Except for, probably, a lot of things. But the NHL Awards have hockey players in suits making awkward speeches, and are always a reliable source of entertainment.)
Now, what is so hard to understand about “hockey formal”? When I concocted this term, I thought it was pretty straightforward. You can make any combination of hockey and formal. Here are some suggestions:
- A tuxedo T-shirt and a Habs hat.
- A suit with a Habs flag draped over your shoulders, Viggo Mortensen-style
- A jersey, topped with pearls or a tiara
- Any type of dress-up clothes in team colours
Also acceptable: only adhering to the “hockey” or “formal” aspect of the dress code. Or just wearing whatever you want, but that would be kind of like bringing water to a potluck, no?
The dress code exists not to be restrictive, but to allow creativity. After all, awards-show parties are supposed to be fun, and wearing something ridiculous is never not fun.
Do you need advice on something hockey-related? Email erica [at] allhabs.net and she’ll give you advice that may or may not be worth taking!