TORONTO, ON. — Who cares about no Wikipedia? We still have Webster’s, and besides there’s a new word in Webster’s too; it’s the Mike (“Me, Myself & Mike”, that is) “Scam”alleri!! It’s a well-planned scam operation to leave the sinking ship; in fact that Italian Captain of the Costa Concordia cruise ship pulled a similar “Scam”alleri this past weekend abandoning his crew, his passengers, his vows, his duties, his honor… Habs’ version threw his team under the bus, his teammates under the bus, the fans under the bus, in fact there were at least three buses involved, the Sherbrooke 105 bus, the Cote des Neiges 65 bus and the Cavendish 104.
The correct definition of a “Scam”alleri is a “self-induced career ending negative move with one professional sports team in order to chicken-out when the going gets tough and that person is not tough enough to get going, and cannot handle the heat”! Usually ends with a P.S. “Good *&^%$#@ Riddance”! He better not try that with the Flames, Iggy will have to “straighten” him out… once again! Cammy the “flim-flammy, double whammy scammy”! He might be worth a bucket of frozen pucks, deep-fried, just like his play this year!
We hear that the “Calamarri” dish has been also taken off the menu by Montreal Ristorantes, and that his 8×10 photo has been placed in all entrances to Le Centre de Bell with the international symbol X across it, with a note above it in XXLL font: “PAS DES GRATIS COMPS POUR CETTE PERDANT DE MOINS”, and, underneath in smaller font (of course) “no freebie comps for this (*&^%$# loser”! He will “burn in Hull” for defiling the “bleu, blanc, rouge.” Uhhh… now the good news? I think that “Bob Lite” Gauthier might’ve won the trade… and he didn’t even try. More on “Bob Lite” in next paragraph.
What? “Bob Lite” is still “Le Capitaine” of the ship? Wouldn’t we all feel better with “Cap’n Crunch”? or maybe “Captain Hi-Liner”? or that chicken Capitano of La Costa Concordia? Tabernooche! I’d feel much more confident with even “The Captain and Tenille”! Ya ever figure that he’s “in contact” with the late Harold Ballard from the “other side”… ya know, for “strategic instructions”? I mean who else would tell coach Randy to use “Kab” Kaberle in the shootout? By the way all of us here in Toronto are wondering if Iatollah Burkey will do what he does for other former Leafs with over 5 years on the team, that is to honor him during the game this coming Saturady at ACC, that is to honor him during the game, and put his mug up on the Jumbotron? Remember, he’s now with Les Habs, and Iatollah Burkey still hates the latter for beating his Bruins in Stanley Cup Finals from the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s, 80′s, 90′s and even the recent early 2000′s! We’ll see.
Talk about la Cirque de Soleil? With “Bob Lite” it’s la Cirque de “So-Lame”! Do something, for God’s sake! Initiate a possible trade maybe with the Federal Liberal (Partie) Party? You offer them interim coach Randy for their interim leader Bob Rae. How’s that for the CH Suggestion Box? Either that or just offer Les Habs coaching gig to none other than “Grapes?” Yes, why not? I heard that he took French “immersion” courses a few years ago, but unfortuntely his instructor did NOT hold his head under water long enough! I’m not sure “Bob Lite” really understands the situation; when he heard about those Marine snipers urinating on dead Al Queda bodies his first question was: “hmmm… did you say “elite snipers?” Find out if they’re RFA’s this June, will ya?”
So, how did our Habs (AKA Red Bull Crashed Ice Heads) do Wednesday nite vs the Caps? Lost 3-0 you say? Even Price reverting back to his old bad habits? Uhhh… no, not the booze and strippers, not the 15 cigarettes dangling from his lips, I’m only talking about those “glove high shots on the short side”! After they received a power-play of six minutes in the third period, and did SFA (en Anglais “Sweet *&^% All”) I gave up and switched over to American Idol on CTV. Hey! don’t laugh, even the auditions were not as “funny” as les Habs PP! How did “No-Go” Gomez do you ask? Well, he did his regular 10-15K skate program, but no goals, no assists, no shots on net, no hits, no blocks, no passes…maybe there should be no more bi-monthly $500,000 (approx.) pay cheques on the 15th and 30th? Let me know if I’m being too cruel here, will ya?
Doesn’t “Bob Lite” know that Tim Tebow is now out of the NFL Playoffs? Why not hire him as “spiritual advisor” to Les Habs? Maybe he could talk to his Lord Savior Jesus Christ about “les problemes avec le PP”? And, if that does not work, maybe he could talk to “Jesus” Alou? Uhhh… let me change the subject for a “seccie”, will ya? Take a look at Rene Bourque, is it just me? Or can anyone else see Johnny Depp? And, one more thing before I watch AC 360, just how badly has the city of “Baaastin” missed Brad “The Rat” Marchand for past 5 games? We’re talkin about his grit, his nastiness, his show-off, his agitate ability, and yes, his scoring too, his PK, inside the dressing room… we could go on, and on, and on, but enough about the reaction of his “four-legged” rat buddies in that rat-infested “Baaastin Gahhhden” TD Centre, eh? Ever wonder what his teammates and The Bruins Nation feel about it?
P.S. I have something on P.K.’s “Spit Gate” but it’s probably not printable in a family hockey blog; I’ll keep it exclusively for my “live” nite club act, okay? sorry.
Your correspondent Craig “Frenchie” McFarlane is a professional comedian/slash/comedy writer/slash/producer/slash/after-dinner speaker (end of slashes, and it’s about time!!) “Frenchie” also runs The Comedy Pro Shop Agency in Toronto and is available along with his top comedy pals for all “live” events, golf tournaments, sports celeb. dinners, roasts, corp. Xmas parties, etc……(www.frenchiemcfarlane.bravehost.com)